Villains Bistro & Cafe

You’re probably broke and lying to some poor person about how well you can cook… Dumbass. Luckily, God loves you so much she created me to fix you. This Bolognese recipe is easy, fast, and best of all, cheap. You can get all the ingredients for sub $25, assuming you already own seasonings… Come sit under the Learnin’ Tree.

Ingredients

• 1 lbs. ground beef or pork (I prefer beef chuck, 80/20)
• 1 large white onion
• 1 large carrot
• 1 large red bell pepper
• olive oil
• 1 tbsp tomato paste
• 1/2 tbsp garlic paste
• 14oz crushed tomatoes w/ basil (bout half a’ can)
• 1 & 1/2 tsp white sugar
• 1/2 tbsp EACH
  • black pepper
  • salt
  • garlic powder
  • onion powder
  • smoked paprika
  • Worcestershire sauce (I spelled that from memory)
  • red pepper flakes
  • Italian seasoning

Cut your bell pepper into quarters and lightly coat in oil. Roast at 400 DEGREES for about 12 mins or until the skin starts to turn black. While that’s happening, dice the rest of your veg. If you prefer a chunkier sauce like me, go for a smedium cut. You don’t want the pieces so big they take a year to soften, though. Once the pepper is blackish, take it out, skin the bastard, dice, and set it aside.

In a medium pan, heat 2 tbsps of olive oil and add in all your vegetables. Get them about as soft as a Cybertruck owner. Add in your meat and cook to climax. From here, the recipe is so easy that your mother could pull it off. Simply add everything else and cook over medium heat until thick.

The original recipe for Bolognese calls for a flat, egg based noodle. It has something to do with the composition of the sauce. It sticks better to flat surfaces. That being said, Italy lost WWII, so who cares? Do what you want if it keeps you around.

STAY EVIL