Produce. Can You Trust it?

One of the most frustrating things about cooking is knowing what’s good and what’s not. Nothing sucks more than being on a roll in the grocery store and then blowing 15 minutes staring at avocados. WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEY’RE GOOD WHEN THEY’RE GREEN!!!??? THEY’RE ALL GREEN! Luckily for you, I have spent my entire adult life suffering, so you don’t have to. Here’s a list of common produce and when they’re best to use. You’re welcome.

Avocado: Ripe avocados are a dark green, almost black. A good one should be soft enough to squeeze, but firm enough not to squish. Don’t feel bad about feeling up a few. Everyone does it. You can ripen them yourself at room temp over a few days or speed it up and throw them in a brown paper bag.
Watermelon: Compared to other fruits, a ripe watermelon is relatively easy to spot. Look for a creamy white/yellow patch at the bottom of the melon in question. This is known as a field spot or a belly spot, depending on your part of the states.
Bananas: I. Hate. Bananas. They’re like the world’s answer to the question, “What if fruit hated you AND was mushy?”. But who cares what I think? These hellspawn are ready when they’re a vibrant yellow with a green stem, brown spots, or a combo thereof. Get away from me.
Pineapple: Now that I’ve traumatized myself talking about B******, lets talk about a good fruit. Pineapple, when ready, will come in a combination of yellow, yellow-green, and brown spots. It should smell sweet and fruity. I’m not saying huff every pineapple you see, but I wouldn’t blame you.
Tomatoes: Tomatoes can be a little tricky. Unlike most of the produce on this list, tomatoes come in various colors so we lose an easy indicator. What you can look for is a lack of brown or green spots. Brown means too ripe. Green means not ripe enough. The one(s) you pick should be one, solid color. In addition, being able to easily take off the stem, of tomatoes that come with one, is a good sign.
Onions: Who doesn’t love an onion? No seriously virtually every known culture has used onion in one way or another. When an onion is H-O-T-T-O-G-O (I’m sorry) it will feel dense and heavy in your hand. You don’t want anything brown, watery or mushy. Play with the skiiiiiiiin a bit to make sure its papery and dry.

Hopefully this has helped you avoid some mindless gawking in the produce section. You need fruits and vegetables to not die so you might as well eat good ones. In an emergency you can ask an employee. Social interaction can be hard and you may just want to grab stuff and go. I get that, but sometimes the quickest way to the best solution is asking for a little help.

Stay Evil